Hello Readers
I pledged to write more a while ago, which hasn’t happened. It’s not for the lack of words, motivation, or thought. Part is because I’ve let other commitments take over, and I’m failing myself, and part is because, well, is anyone even reading this?
Over ten years ago, I made a significant change in my career. I moved from publishing to starting my own health and wellness journey and, for a short while, even had my own consulting business. I folded the business because it wasn’t sustainable, and it’s hard to make a living when clients regularly cancel without notice. So, I closed up shop and returned to working for a steady paycheck.
All this while, I’ve been touting health and how to de-stress and stay Zen, when actually, I’ve been lying. I’ve been fucking miserable for the better part of 10 years. I barely sleep, my diet is awful, I don’t stick to a routine, and my body is screaming for attention. My energy level has been negative 10, I’m always tired, and every blood test points to all systems as “Normal .”After the last round of blood tests, I asked a Naturopath I am working with to order a DUTCH test. If you don’t know what a DUTCH test is, it’s a test that records your hormone levels. You pee on a special paper, let it dry, and send it off. Contact your health provider for more information and to order the test.
In between this pee-a-thon and waiting for the results, my back spazzed out on me, and I ended up in the ER. I was unable to move, unable to breathe without my body seizing up. The doctor was astounded that I even made it to the ER. My legs would not relax. How did this happen, you ask?
Stress. I’m allowing people at work to invade my sense of safety. By allowing one person to dictate my sense of confidence and knowledge, my body responded with a hearty spaz (on the toilet, no less), leaving me like a turtle turned on its back to painfully and ever so slowly wriggle from my bathroom floor to my bedroom (less than a foot away from each other) so I could reach the phone to text someone, anyone for help. My neighbor ended up helping me by giving me some over-the-counter back tablets that did bugger all. After four grueling hours, I mustered up the strength to call my mother, who drove me to the ER.
A few days after I visited the ER, I received the results of my DUTCH test. I set an appointment to review the results, and when we met, she asked me, “How are you getting up in the morning?” She didn’t mean that in a “tell me how you get up” kind of way; it was in the way of “your adrenals are shot! You have had so much stress in your life that your body is in a constant state of fight or flight.”. I didn’t know how to answer the question because I just did. It’s my normal. I’ve always been this way, and now my body is at war with itself. So what does this mean? I need to go on a special diet, take supplements, and learn to slow the fuck down. Today, I returned to the office, and no matter what stressor encroached on me on med, my decision to maintain a calm demeanor came my way, and I handled it gracefully. I’ll be following up now and then on my journey to feeling more pizazz and less spaz.
Balancing Cat 