Ghosts

If you have cats, and I’m sure some of you do, ever notice that every so often your cat will stare at the wall corner, or if you have a cat like mine, he will caterwaul into thin air. Some say it’s singing the song of their people; others claim that cats can see otherworldly things that we can’t. I’m more in the camp of the latter. We have ghosts all around, and it is not just the Hollywood specter kind that results in exorcisms. I’m talking about the lingering thoughts, feelings, and emotions about people, places, and things that take center stage to stories we tell ourselves that will haunt us until we are ready to let go of them, make peace that they are there, and co-exist.

I work a few miles out of my hometown, and I have a sibling that has caused more hurt than she will ever know that lives in the same town I work. Not a day goes by when I have to prep and come to terms that there is a very real possibility I may run into her while working, and it terrifies me yet at the same time, if she or any of her children were to walk past me, I wouldn’t recognize them. Leaving me to wonder how much of it is speculation, drama-inducing, or just a story I tell myself to tether me to a ghost that has long past its expiration date. Do ghosts expire? Is this thought of facing the one person who shakes me to my core a reality I have built up in the form of a snake ready to strike, or is this simply a rope in the snake’s clothing? 

Without running the risk of redundancy, if it is the latter, why am I allowing this ghost to live in my head?   It angers me that I’ve allowed this person permission to live in my head, feeding thoughts of fear and feeling unsafe when frankly, they haven’t been in my life in two decades. I wasn’t the one who cut ties. I wasn’t the one who made empty promises of support. I wasn’t the one I left to deal with an aging parent. Shouldn’t it be me they are feeling quivering fear for? I’m fine without them in my life; in fact, I’m thriving, and if you ask me, I’m a more significant threat.   

It’s about perspective. Now the menacing ghost has become the entity haunted by their actions. It’s that ghost who should be afraid and prepping for if and when the day comes where they will need to answer for their behavior. When that day comes, I plan to sit quietly, listen, observe, and simply say “thank you” Never once faltering in my understanding that we are only doing the best with what we know and what resources we have at the time with a little kickass on the side.