It wasn’t dark; it wasn’t stormy; it wasn’t even night. I may have written about what I’m writing about now but can’t remember, and it could have been a dream. I may have dream wrote it. That’s a thing, right? I surrendered my grandiose plans of having a thriving wellness consultation business. Not because I lost sight of my passion, because I’m not the type of person to get out there and actively push my wears and services. I can pinpoint the exact time when it happened. And it was at the beginning. Getting the proper education is necessary, but what it takes to run a business, not just the financial and legal requirements, but give your all to someone else who is with dis-ease only to have it challenged, ignored, and saturated with other businesses trying to do the same thing all making claims they have the answers! When in fact, if you think about it, none of us do. We can offer suggestions you may or may not have tried, we can mix and match tools and techniques that would be considered out-of-the-box thinking, and we can even make recommendations to other resources. But what good is it going to do if the client isn’t willing to put the work in? Experiencing client after client ghosting, showing up late, or showing up but not having done their part, or those who claim to have done everything recommended with no results. I guess in retrospect; I wasn’t more assertive in my needs for the client. One repeated theme in lectures or classes I would attend from one of my mentors was “Show Up” and “Do The Work.” These two things have never left my mind, and I think about them regularly. No matter what you are doing, whether it is working, having coffee with a friend, or just making promises to yourself, you’ve won half the battle by just showing up. If you are fully present and do the work, you’ve won half the war.
For example, we all struggle with staying healthy and fit. You hear and read it all over how exercise is vital for physical and mental health, but one consistent complaint I would hear from folks is that they are “too busy.” And in the spirit of transparency, I’m one of these people. Too busy to take a 30 min jaunt around the block, too busy to reach for that apple instead of a bowl of pasta. Too busy trying to catch up on sleep. Then on the other end, I’m complaining about how I’ve gained weight and feel sluggish and don’t get enough sleep. So, if I were me, and I were seeing someone like me for help, I would want the magical recipe to satisfy everything that life throws at me, from working full time in a primarily sedentary job to keeping my house clean to keep up with the bills. And honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know how to help you because I also struggle with this, and I’m clearly nowhere near finding the answer than you are. I’m not going to offer some heroes journeyesque (is that a thing?) rant about how I overcame this and how I keep myself in check because I don’t. Honestly, I think there’s a part of me that likes being fat, sluggish, and walking around with 3 hours of sleep. I think I like using it as a talking point and commiserating with others who struggle; for me, it’s a way to connect. Is it productive? No. Do I want to break this cycle of self-deprivation? There’s a tiny sliver of me that does not. And even though it’s so tiny, it overpowers all that I would need to do to stop this behavior. I could make charts and graphs and calendar appointments to myself until the cows come home, and honestly, it might work for a few weeks, but I can see me going right back to where I started thinking to myself, o.k. self, that didn’t work. What’s next?
What is next? I don’t know. Am I willing to sit with this and take ownership of my part in why I self-sabotage? Yes. But first, I need to check out what my cat groups are up to on the internets.
Balancing Cat 